In honor of my twentieth birthday and my teen years finally being over, I wanted to write a post reflecting on where my mind was as a nineteen year old. I believe that mental health is so important and if you can take a hold of your thoughts and think positive thoughts then you can live a content and fulfilled life.
Being an introvert, I’m always in my thoughts. Whether I’m thinking about what the latest Scandal episode I just watched or my to-do-list, there’s always something going on up there. There are days that my thoughts keep me up at night. At times I go really deep and other times I’m just thinking about the next vegan thing I’ll put in my stomach. By focusing on my thoughts, I allow myself to become more self aware. Here are the recurring thoughts I had as a nineteen year old:
Does life just keep getting harder?
Apparently is does, but there’s beauty to life at every stage, honestly.
Everything was so much simpler when I was young
The hardest thing I had to color inside the lines, but everything get complicated as you grow older. Nonetheless, I leaning to manage all by the grace of God.
How much is it?
Because I’m getting older, I have to start trying to provide for myself. Mum and Dad can’t buy me new jeans or that designer handbag I really want, not that they that any of that to begin with.
Is it vegan?
Back in March 2016, I adopted a vegan diet, that means all I can eat is grass. Prior to being vegan I would never look at labels. Now before I put anything in my tummy i make sure I have a sense of what’s in it.
Can I fast forward to when I’m 22?
Nineteen has been by far one of my most difficult years, but I’m very hopeful about my future. It’s the struggle that makes me want to do better and be better. By 22 I should be out of university so that should be exciting and a lifted burden.
Where is God?!
Because nineteen has been a rough time for me, at times I really wondered if God heard my prayers or if He even existed. Rest assured that this was just my flesh speaking and even when I thought this way I always knew better
When can I move out?!
I shouldn’t have to explain this one. I just really long for independence, and being able to decorate my own.
Do I really have to go to work today?…
Yes, yes you really do, work means money and money means independence. Regardless of how annoyed I get when I have to go to work, I’m still so grateful for the job that I have now. Once upon time I couldn’t get hired anywhere.
Are there any dupes for this?
Hey as much as I wish to buy designer brands, they’re all too expensive for my budget but not for my taste. I’ve really gotten into high-end fashion and man the prices are up there. Soon enough I’ll be able to afford the … and all the other high-end pieces I adore
But the bread and peanut butter are calling name
yes! yes! it’s true! The peanut butter! The bread! I love them both! These are two simple things that make me so happy. I have yet to meet a bread I don’t love. I can eat a whole loaf plain or dipped in peanut butter. Whether it’s pita, sourdough, baguette, rye bread, I love it all. The same goes for peanut butter, I can eat a whole tub of peanut butter by itself or slathered on some toast. Having said this, I try really hard not to.
[fill in the blank]. Don’t we all, but it’s also really important to be grateful for what we don’t and do have. I will admit that wishful thinking pushes me to work harder so I can achieve and obtain the things that I so desperately wish for. Whether it be a good grade on an exam (which doesn’t always happen) or successful career path.
What have I done all day
Netflix, Netflix and more Netflix. I’m really trying to break this terrible, unproductive habit. It’s just it takes a lot a lot of will power to get from comfortable couch position. One thing that really helps is realizing that if I watch all the episodes of Golden Girls now, then I won’t have any episodes left to watch later.
But you said today would be different
Yep, I had a lot of failed days where I said I would be more productive and do more of this and less of that but it didn’t really pan out. Nonetheless it hasn’t stopped me from trying, and I will keep on telling myself this until I succeed. I strongly believe that life is filled with more failure than success, but one moment of success outweighs all the failures combined . Success is worth it, even if it means failing five times or five years.
Umm… what should I say next?
This is me 100% of the time. I’m such an introvert that it makes it really difficult for me to keep a conversation, but I’m not boring I swear! I like interacting with people but it’s a task. I’m also learning that silence isn’t all that awkward or uncomfortable.
I wonder what I’ll wear tomorrow
I’m confused because as much as I give myself a headache thinking this every day for my school outfit, I opt for sweat pants and a long sleeve shirt 90% of the time. I mean who am I trying to impress anyway? Although if I could dress up for university everyday I really would. I love fashion, I love putting on really nice pieces, but it takes extra effort when you have to do this for university everyday.